} 053 - [VIDEO] - mostly public, one private

[creatingalegacy]

[Amanda's got her communicator set up on the itty little dining table in her cabin; she's sitting before it, one injured hand set very gently atop the other. It's nice to have someplace other than a shitty old bed to sit and broadcast from.]

Good thing the distraction worked. I didn't have enough time to build everything up to my standard--especially those fuckin' shotgun gauntlets. Recoil was a bitch.

[Her hands and arms are mottled the same horrible purple they've been for days.]

The bruises haven't faded. If it continues, I'll have to open up my forearms and evacuate the hematomas myself. Not my idea of a good time, but I'm responsible for someone else's safety now and I can't protect her when I'm all fucked up like this.

Anyway, I just wanna say...thanks. To the people who fought alongside me.


[PRIVATE TO LUA]

We need to talk. In person.

Today.

[Pause.]

You're not in trouble. I just need to say a few things.

Comments

[surrenders]

[ Lua's eyes start open and she's quiet for a moment. Not the whole truth, not yet. She's going to have to talk with Ed, handle this herself first, make sure they're careful. ]

Been a lot worse. It's just... still hanging on me, I think.

[creatingalegacy]

Are you sick? When did you start coming down with it?

[Amanda will get her to eat this goddamn sandwich if it kills her. :| ]

[surrenders]

[ She looks to the side, trying to seem more embarrassed than anything else. ]

Death toll lasts longer if you go like I did, that's all.

[ Don't worry about it, seriously, she'll be all right. ]

[creatingalegacy]

[Amanda looks like she doesn't really buy that.]

Come to the infirmary with me. I want to be sure you're okay.

We'll go when you finish eating.

[surrenders]

It's all right. Just have to wait it out, I think.

[ She starts to eat like she doesn't care what it is: you have to pick what's important to say no to, and hating someone watching her isn't anything if it gives her a shot at keeping Amanda out of this. ]

[creatingalegacy]

No, I wanna be sure. You want me to get my arms fixed, right? Tit for tat.

[Amanda, to her credit, fiddles around with her communicator and only looks at Lua discreetly, out of the corner of her eye, when she's not addressing her directly.]

It's my place to look out for you. Make sure you stay safe and well.

[surrenders]

[ Even if she's getting some of her strength back as she eats, everything still feels wrong. Someone's trying to take care of her, she should be happy, right? But it's all backwards. There's nothing she can give except the one thing she can't, and you don't take without at least offering something.

She swallows a bite quickly as she searches for what to say. ]

You don't have to, but...

[creatingalegacy]

You're not just my inmate, y'know. You're a good friend, and even if I don't have to, I want to.

[She smiles a little at her.]

There's the fourth thing: you don't need to look for someone to protect you anymore. You've got me. I may not look like much, but if anyone lays a hand on you I'll make them regret it. Okay?

[surrenders]

No. You can, but...

It isn't right.

[ Not with what Lua gets into sometimes. Not when she brings on her own trouble. ]

[creatingalegacy]

What's wrong with it? I'm your warden. I should look out for you.

[surrenders]

You like trouble you don't get anything out of?

[ She's quiet again, not really looking at anything; the edges are starting to sharpen again and she hates it but can't stop herself. ]

You deserve better.

[creatingalegacy]

[Amanda's silent for a moment before laughing briefly. Not in a mean way; she's honestly surprised. Still, her laughter doesn't sound quite normal. She's still getting used to laughing at non-sadistic things again.]

Lua, you have no fuckin' idea how happy I was to be assigned to you.

[surrenders]

But you know me.

[creatingalegacy]

I don't know what you're getting at. Are you saying I'm only happy because I know you, or that because I know you, I should be running for the hills?

[surrenders]

You should know it's not going to be worth it.

[creatingalegacy]

I was happy because I know I can help you.

[surrenders]

[ Finally someone she can tell the truth to, someone who should know already if she doesn't. ]

... I don't want it. Whatever this place is trying to make me.

I'll just wait. Doesn't matter how long. I'm good at it.

[creatingalegacy]

I get that. I was in your place for a year and half before I realized: this place doesn't make you into anything. When you graduate, you're still you. Just better off. This place freed me from a prison I'd built for myself.

[She leans in again, over the table.]

Be honest. Do you think I'm no longer myself?

[surrenders]

[ She tilts her head to the side, pretending to think about her answer (there's only one right answer when someone asks you that kind of question). ]

You're Amanda.

[ You aren't. She's been happy because you are, but something's gone that should be there, something she can't name. ]

[creatingalegacy]

[Amanda's way too skilled at dodging questions to buy that. She leans in even closer, and speaks quietly.]

You didn't answer my question.

[surrenders]

[ She pulls herself back, ready to push her chair out if she needs to. It's not a response to Amanda herself as a sense, right or wrong, that something's about to happen, and she's done with things happening. ]

You can be who you want to, it's all right.

[ It's a "no". ]

[creatingalegacy]

Do you think I'm not myself because...what? Because I'm not exactly psychopathic anymore?

[surrenders]

No. It's...

[Her head drops into her hands and she tangles her fingers in her bangs.]

I don't know.

[creatingalegacy]

[She shakes her head. Tsk tsk, Lua.]

I think you do know, and I deserve to hear it.

[surrenders]

I don't.

It's not bad, promise. It isn't.