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} 041 - [TEXT] - Private to Sarah Harding
Oct. 2nd, 2011 05:50 pmI still don't regret any of the murders I've committed, you know. Except for Adam's...and I know that's the only way I could have saved him from a slow and painful death. I did it for him, because he was kind to me, even though I shouldn't have broken John's rules. But fuck, you know that already.
[Holy shit, she's finally willing to talk about some of the truths she spilled during the flood!]
But I used to. I screamed and cried after completing the games in the nerve gas house, and I didn't even kill anyone there. I should have been happy to see Eric Matthews chained up in the bathroom, and I was, but I almost hated myself for my part in it anyway. I was following John's philosophy to the letter back then. I knew I was doing the right thing. I should have felt righteous and justified but I didn't!
Until he broke free. Until he beat my head against the wall and sank his teeth into my leg. Until he said I was a junkie bitch, that I wasn't Jigsaw...that I was nothing. I turned back and beat him until I thought he was dead and it felt so fucking good.
I felt like shit when I should have felt validated, when I was in the right. I only felt validated when I turned my back on John's words and started to murder.
Sarah, what the fuck went wrong with me? Did I fail John from the start?
[Holy shit, she's finally willing to talk about some of the truths she spilled during the flood!]
But I used to. I screamed and cried after completing the games in the nerve gas house, and I didn't even kill anyone there. I should have been happy to see Eric Matthews chained up in the bathroom, and I was, but I almost hated myself for my part in it anyway. I was following John's philosophy to the letter back then. I knew I was doing the right thing. I should have felt righteous and justified but I didn't!
Until he broke free. Until he beat my head against the wall and sank his teeth into my leg. Until he said I was a junkie bitch, that I wasn't Jigsaw...that I was nothing. I turned back and beat him until I thought he was dead and it felt so fucking good.
I felt like shit when I should have felt validated, when I was in the right. I only felt validated when I turned my back on John's words and started to murder.
Sarah, what the fuck went wrong with me? Did I fail John from the start?