}015 - even near-death experiences won't stop her from being smug! [VIDEO]

[creatingalegacy]

[Amanda, having been beaten to a pulp by Donny days ago, is finally conscious enough to deliver her message to the Barge. She's speaking from a bed in the infirmary. The infirmary, you ask? Isn't Clapet in there too, you ask right after that? Not to worry, Amanda isn't moving around any time soon and can't get close to him. She's got a badly broken nose that's been reset (but still looks like hell), and there's a huge purple bruise across the center of her face. Her right arm, straight out beside her, features a very bruised and somewhat swollen elbow, and there are bandages on her wrists--the latter, however, are a result of Martha treating her self-injury, not something from her fight with Donny. There are also bumps under her hospital gown. Those are chest tubes.

She's still crazy enough to look smug. Exhausted and in intense pain, but smug.]

People of the Barge. When I last spoke to you as Jigsaw...

[Her words devolve into a pathetic wheeze, and she places a ventilator mask over her mouth and nose to take a breath. The rest of her speech is punctuated with breaks like this, which won't be added into the text to make for less-awkward reading for you guys.]

Last time I spoke to you as Jigsaw, I told you that the games had only begun. Some of you didn't believe me. Rayne, in particular, told me I was gloating preemptively. As you all must know by now, I was telling the truth. You can do anything to me--confiscate my supplies, lock me up, beat me, even kill me--and you will never be able to take away my most powerful tools: my mind, and my hands.

[She points to each of these in turn, indicating one hand with the other. She uses her left hand to point, as her right arm is still pretty hurt.]

Clapet won his game, and as a result, also earned redemption for his crimes. He will not slaughter again. And though you may not believe me, Clapet, I am sorry for the rough treatment you suffered as we brought you into our custody. Blonsky was one of your victims, and I may have unfairly expected too much of him when instructing him not to kill or cause unnecessary harm. I apologize.

Sergeant Donowitz, I would like to congratulate you on your brutality against me. Truly, you are a fine warden. You'll have to imagine the round of applause I want to give you, however, as the arm you damaged still hurts too much for that. Do you know what "flail chest" is? It's when a segment of the ribcage breaks under pressure and detaches from the rest of the chest wall, and Dr. Jones tells me you must have caused it with your punch. A very lucky hit indeed.

Special thanks go to Edward Sexby, who probably saved me from death at the Sergeant's hands but dumped me in Level 0 rather than the Infirmary. If not for Sveta transporting me here quickly, I would likely have sustained and died of a punctured lung from the sharp edges of my broken ribs. Thank you, Sveta.

[She takes a few long breaths through the ventilator, closing her eyes. She's really suffering, but she almost welcomes it. John suffered far more than she ever has. Let her experience something close to his pain--her ongoing penance for betraying him is not yet enough, as far as she's concerned.]

Alright, enough of that bullshit.

The human body is a marvelous machine, and in time, mine will repair itself. When I'm well again, there will be more games. This is not a threat. It's a promise.

[Private to Rex]
I want to apologize for my...outburst when we last spoke. Planning for this game caused me undue stress, and you didn't deserve to have it taken out on you.

Comments

[toldastory]

It's about more than being suicidal, Amanda. It's about infections and scars and accidental bleeding! You cannot keep doing this to yourself. None of it.

[creatingalegacy]

They won't get infected. I have supplies--gauze, antibiotic creams, and antiseptic. I don't give a shit about scars, and I know where and how to cut to keep me from bleeding out. Satisfied?

[toldastory]

No. Not in the least.

[Martha watched Amanda for a long moment, and she frowned quickly.]

Do you think that John would want you doing this, Amanda?

[creatingalegacy]

[Oh no. She did NOT just use John as an example, as if she had all the right in the world. Outrage manifesting on her face and in her body language, Amanda reached out for Martha with her good arm and struggled to sit up straight, wanting to choke the woman the way she'd once choked Dr. Denlon, but collapsed back onto her pillow, agonized by her busted ribs and the chest tubes. She choked and gasped desperately from the ventilator mask, and then raged against Martha in sentences she was forced to repeatedly cut off in order to catch her breath.]

You...don't have the fucking right...to speak of him like that! You don't know him. You don't know...anything about us. Don't...assume what he would want...and don't try to use...him against me ever again!

[toldastory]

[Martha, for her part, barely blinked when Amanda's face and body contorted in primal rage. She knew that if she blinked in the slightest way, it was a very bad thing even if she couldn't place her finger on why she felt that way. Holding her face in that blank doctor's mask (the only real lying she could do was preforming that) she watched as Amanda reached out with her good arm. However, when the woman couldn't breathe, Martha did step forward, ready to apply the mask if the woman couldn't do it herself.]

Amanda, I've seen the movie. Your movie. I do know that he wouldn't want you to do this. I think he'd be disappointed with you.

[creatingalegacy]

[Ohhh, bad idea. Disappointing John is one of her worst fears, and the very suggestion of it can make her angry in ways that few other things can. After taking a few more moments to catch her breath, Amanda removed the mask and spat at Martha's face.]

GET OUT! Get the fuck out of my face, you meddling cunt!

[She managed the strength to yell, but dammit, it hurt. It burned like fire.]

[toldastory]

[Martha watched Amanda carefully, and when she spat at her, Martha just wiped the spit from her face without even wincing. She knew that she was doing what she had told Snape that she wouldn't do--but Martha was already invested. This was probably going to end in complete disaster.]

No. No, Amanda, I'm sorry but I'm not going to do that. A doctor is someone who tells you the truth and stays with you til the end. A real one, anyway.

[creatingalegacy]

[Amanda clenched her teeth so hard it felt as though they would shatter to pieces.]

The truth?! You think...seeing the movie means you know him? Or me? We're not fictional in our world...you sanctimonious piece of shit! There's more to us, years more...than whatever brainless film adaptation you sat through...for fucking entertainment! You don't have the right...to talk like you know us!

[toldastory]

Amanda, stop. You're going to injure yourself!

[She moved closer to the bed and reached out to check the wires connecting Amanda's chest tubes, hoping that she hadn't decided to disconnect them with her erratic movements.]

Amanda, it wasn't for entertainment, alright? I didn't find it entertaining in the least. I don't like to watch people suffer and I'm trying to help you.

[creatingalegacy]

I don't give a shit!

[And just to prove it, she grabs onto one of her chest tubes, holding tight. Her chest is already on fire anyway. Acting like an expert on someone else's relationships simply because you've watched a film about them isn't the best way to get through to them, especially someone this unstable.]

Get out of my face...and stop acting like you know us, or I will yank this fucking thing out...and you can have that on your conscience! Know-it-all bitch!

[toldastory]

[Martha took a deep breath and she watched as Amanda threatened to pull out one of her chest tubes. Martha pulled her hands off the other woman, but she didn't take a step back. Instead she just spoke in a calm voice.]

No, Amanda. If you pull it out, I'll sedate you and put it back in and then I'll restrain you to your bed so you don't do it again. You don't need to do that to prove your point.

[creatingalegacy]

[She spoke quietly this time (her voice was threateningly, dangerously quiet, in fact), but her voice was still full of anger, and she didn't release the tube. How was Martha not getting that it was NOT OKAY, that it was offensive as hell, to use John like that--as if she knew him personally, when she'd only watched some stupid goddamn film? That made her even angrier.]

Get out. Get out, and if you can't understand...how fucking offensive and wrong this is...don't you ever speak to me again. You're not helping...you're doing the complete opposite of it.

[toldastory]

No. [Martha's voice was equally quiet.] You're angry, and I get that, I understand why, but you hurting yourself doesn't get back at me. I'll just put the tube back in.

[Martha just watched Amanda, right there and ready to put it back in.]

You're going to delay your recovery if you keep doing that.

[creatingalegacy]

I don't care. You...you don't know him just because...you watched a movie. You don't have a right...to act like you do. You owe me...a fucking apology.

[In truth, although Amanda didn't even suspect this, John wouldn't have been disappointed in her. Not for the cutting. Concerned, certainly; upset with her, of course. Disappointment would have been reserved for her running back to heroin to feel numb.]

[toldastory]

You're completely right, I don't know him. And you're angry and I apologize, but I'm apologizing because I'm wrong and not because you're throwing a tantrum and threatening to hurt yourself, Amanda.

[creatingalegacy]

I'm threatening to hurt myself so you'll LEAVE!

[And then she was yelling again, which made her lapse into wheezing and coughing. Despite the apology she was all kinds of fucked up at that point, and she wanted to be alone so she could cry without being seen. As Jigsaw, she couldn't show that kind of emotion in front of others. She shouldn't even be feeling it anymore.

Her chest was in such pain after shouting that last bit that she was forced to dial it down to a murmur.]

You tell anyone about the cutting...I don't care who, or why...and I will kill you.

[toldastory]

And it's not working.

[Martha spoke the words quickly, but then she moved to Amanda's IV and adjusted the level of medication that she was giving her, increasing not the amount of painkiller that she was receiving, but doing it so that it came with a greater frequency for a little while; Martha knew she'd need it.]

That's the thing, Amanda, you're making it so obvious that I don't need to tell anyone. The cuts on your wrists? I would have noticed them if I'd run into you before now.

[creatingalegacy]

[She clenched her teeth again.]

Bullshit. I wear cloth wristbands...the kind people use when they exercise. Nobody...would have ever known.

[She closed her eyes and just took a few breaths. After all the shouting and attempting to move excessively, she was exhausted and hurting almost everywhere.]

The only reason you know now...about my wrists, or my legs...is because you people stripped me...to check the extent of my injuries. That's all.

[toldastory]

I don't think that's true, Amanda. With the depth and amount of cuts, people will see and notice. People will see scarring and scabbing and you can't hide this forever. People are going to know [Martha quickly held up a hand.] Not because I'm going to tell people, I can't do that, but because you're going to give yourself away.

[creatingalegacy]

I'll just...go back to doing it on my thighs, then. Thanks...so much for the advice, you've been a...great help.

[She's switched into hateful sarcasm mode, because she honestly doesn't know how to handle this without being able to throttle her.]

[toldastory]

Not for quite some time, I imagine. You're not going to do anything of the sort while you're in the infirmary, so you'l; need to find another way. Shout at me and threaten me all you like, but that's not an answer.

[creatingalegacy]

Don't need to. Everything...hurts enough already. And when I get out...it's no longer your business.

[toldastory]

Perhaps. [Martha said in a very non-commital way and then she looked to Amanda again.]

Do you need anything?

[creatingalegacy]

Water. [Her throat and mouth were like sandpaper at that point.]

From now on, send...Svetlana or Judas to check up on me. I don't...want to deal with your bullshit...again.

[toldastory]

[Martha poured Amanda a glass of water and handed it over to her, and then she shook her head quickly.]

I'm afraid it doesn't work like that, Amanda. I'll be checking up on you and we'll be having a conversation every time I'm on shift.