creatingalegacy | } 050 - [VIDEO] - Locked to all wardens who were once inmates.

} 050 - [VIDEO] - Locked to all wardens who were once inmates.

[Amanda is seated on her bed, leaning forward slightly as she looks into the camera, lower arms on her knees.]

I want to hear from all the wardens who used to be inmates. Particularly the ones who swore up and down that they'd never become wardens.

What made you change your minds, and how the hell did you adjust?

[Perhaps surprisingly, she looks completely sincere.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I just got here, but I can at least tell you why I changed my mind.

Tell me, then.

I decided I wanted more than what I made a deal for.

Being a warden is what gets you a deal. What more are you asking for?

I had made arrangements prior to my graduation, as I had no intention in returning to my world.

I want to change the arrangements. This requires more.

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Because... I realized there was someone I wanted to make my deal for, someone who I fucking hurt badly just by being me. I want to fix that.

[A soft, wry laugh. She brings a hand to her head and massages the area by her temple with her fingertips.]

You and me both.

It isn't fucking easy, Amanda. It's better now, but it's still not fucking easy.

Of course it isn't easy. I don't expect it to be. It's still gotta be easier than sitting around and living with it, not doing anything.

I can't do that anymore. The guilt is too fucking suffocating.

Things they don't tell you about the whole "redeeming you" bullshit: the guilt is a killer. I think it's why we stick around.

It's probably why we make better wardens too. We get it.

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The only people I have left are still here. And now I have the chance to help someone I wronged.

So who's your deal gonna help?

My closest friend. It'll be enough to know that I helped him.

Can I ask what you did to him?

I killed him. I thought I had to. One innocent life to save many. It didn't work. Not many people get to correct a mistake like that but I did. I still want to do more.

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It was change or oblivion.

You could have just gone home. You didn't need to become a warden.

I could.

But you speak more than most of thanks to one who saves you. I felt it only right to help another where I, myself, have been saved.

[That motivation clicks with her right away.]

Yeah. I understand.

I never swore up and down that I wouldn't become a Warden. I realised rather quickly it was exactly what I needed to be. I just didn't think I would ever get there, because I didn't get why I was even here.

I'm here to bring my best mate and his wife back from the dead. After that, I'm going to live out the rest of my buggered life, use my second chance earned from graduating, and join them.

I lied to myself for months about why I was here. I think I knew the real reason all along and just forced the knowledge down. Admitting it would have been the same as admitting that my father wasn't infallible.

[By father she means John, not her biological one, who raised her as a child.]

I need to bring the people I call my parents back, fix their lives so they never lost their son and John never got cancer...and that will undo all of the deaths we caused.

I still haven't adjusted.

And I think you can figure out the reason why I stayed.

Yeah, I do.

I'm sorry, you know. I miss him too. He was my closest friend. My only friend, for a long while.

This place can make you feel so helpless. I miss him, too, and yet there is not a damn thing I can do to bring him back.

Have you decided on a deal yet? You could use it to follow him to wherever he is.

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[Private ] lol oops I forgot to say all of her replies are still video >.>

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Private- breaking his hiatus for this...

Private - aww, Iago D:

Private - he is sad forever

Private - Amanda knows that feeling :c